Lost

As this sabbatical passes by, a sense of loss creeps up on me. The more I learnt, the more I realized that there are greater forces at work; forces that are beyond our abilities to comprehend, much less control or manipulate. The question of life after death kept bugging me; like the pain in my neck, which I feel constantly, but am helpless to resolve. The pain is like a constant reminder of how helpless I am, despite how hard I tried. I cannot even control my own body; what else can I control? For the first time in my life, I truly appreciate how limited humans are. I start to understand what it may feel like to lay lifeless in bed, waiting for death to claim what remains of a lifeless shell.

My destiny elutes me. I don’t know what lies ahead. The more I learnt, the more queries I have.

Natural law decides the cycles and events. But who made the natural laws? Are we just a minute part of this natural law, that serves to balance itself out in a wholesome systematic way; but each individual is so tiny and insignificant that it is meaningless in itself? Just like the atoms and cells on our body. Millions of cells die and are reproduced everyday, but they are required part of natural law to enable humans to renew themselves. What if we humans, are part of another larger self, just like cells? Who will cry for the death of a cell?