Wednesday, October 12, 2005


As this sabbatical passes by, a sense of loss creeps up on me. The more I learnt, the more I realized that there are greater forces at work; forces that are beyond our abilities to comprehend, much less control or manipulate. The question of life after death kept bugging me; like the pain in my neck, which I feel constantly, but am helpless to resolve. The pain is like a constant reminder of how helpless I am, despite how hard I tried. I cannot even control my own body; what else can I control? For the first time in my life, I truly appreciate how limited humans are. I start to understand what it may feel like to lay lifeless in bed, waiting for death to claim what remains of a lifeless shell.

My destiny elutes me. I don’t know what lies ahead. The more I learnt, the more queries I have.

Natural law decides the cycles and events. But who made the natural laws? Are we just a minute part of this natural law, that serves to balance itself out in a wholesome systematic way; but each individual is so tiny and insignificant that it is meaningless in itself? Just like the atoms and cells on our body. Millions of cells die and are reproduced everyday, but they are required part of natural law to enable humans to renew themselves. What if we humans, are part of another larger self, just like cells? Who will cry for the death of a cell?


Blogger Deth said...

I don't know how you are feeling rite now, but I can guess. Sucks. Hold in there for the moment.

I know it is easy for me to say this. But look at me. I have been there before. And I'm still there. It's a bad mark. A misprint. A copier jam. Hang in there till it passes. A trick is to do something everyday. No matter how trivial. No matter how slow.

Slowly. The sun will rise. It always does.

11:04 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"What if we humans, are part of another larger self, just like cells?"

Finally, I found someone else who is thinking like me :)

I couldn't answer that question too, and I stopped right there. There are too many questions that we will not be able to answer. I think part of the wisdom is to know where and when we should stop asking.

I'm convinced that once a person has truly understood the true meaning of his/her life, he/she will never feel lost again.

I sincerely hope you have found yours.

John @ SingaSoft

11:50 AM  
Blogger Cyrus Crypt said...

Meaning of life? Very important indeed. But hard to find. I hope you find yours too.

12:48 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Though I've not met you, I think you are a person who bothers to question some very basic and important questions, so I feel it's just a matter of time before you find yours.

As for me, as far as my conscious is aware, I've found mine. And honestly, that's after a serious set back in my life few years back.
The event itself did not really teach me all I understood now, but it did really make me pause and ponder very deeply, and from then onwards I started to grow and still keep growing now.

I'm graceful to God for I did not break because of the set back, but instead grow stronger and stronger...(He miraculously sent few people into my life at the point of time)

Well, that's a bit of my life story :)

John @ SingaSoft

2:46 PM  

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